还珠语录

Fact is, I was a 90’s kid, and like any good...

ruanchunxian — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 12:00:27 +0700

Fact is, I was a 90’s kid, and like any good early-2000’s Asian teenager, I was once obsessed with the boyband Westlife. In middle school, I had a group of best friends and one of our bonding points was, of course, Westlife. It got the point where we would listen to it on our walkmans (you know, back in the days when you carry CD players around) through shared earbuds in art class because that was the only class where we were allowed to listen to music, and sneakily look up Westlife websites in our IT class (or not-so-sneakily, as our teacher knew exactly what we were going and it was considered the worst kept secret in the class). Even now, every now and then my friends and I get nostalgic and we post statuses on facebook that say something like “listening to Westlife again” and I would get all sentimental. And what better way to get sentimental about my first musical love than to set their music to my first OTP?

If you’ve ever listened to a Westlife album you’ll see why I have to make this mix/playlist.

MORE THAN WORDS - A Yong Qi & Xiao Yan Zi fanmix
Set to the music of Westlife, with a bonus track by Shane Filan

(Fanmix tag) (Download)

What Do They Know

All they know
Is when we fight
They never see us in the loving times
What do they know
They don’t know
A thing

Swear It Again

So you should know this love we share was never made to die
I’m glad we’re on this one way street just you and I
Just you and I

Evergreen

I’m gonna take this moment
And make it last forever
I’m gonna give my heart away
And pray we’ll stay together
Cause you’re the one good reason
You’re the only girl that I need
Cause you’re more beautiful than I have ever seen
I’m gonna take this night
And make it Evergreen

Drive (For All Time)

If a million miles were between us
I’d want you to know

If I had to drive all day take that flight
Across this ocean I’m coming home tonight
Don’t let it play on your mind
Cause my devotion is for all time

More Than Words

More than words,
is all you have to do,
to make it real,
Then you wouldn’t have to say,
that you love me,
Cause I’d already know,

Moments

Cause every moment,
we share together,
is even better,
than the moment before,
If every day was,
as good as today was,
then I can’t wait until tomorrow comes.

Close

You give me strength
You give me hope
You give me someone to love someone to hold
When I’m in your arms
I need you to know
I’ve never been
I’ve never been this close

Unbreakable

This love is unbreakable
It’s unmistakable
And each time I look in your eyes
I know why
This love is untouchable

Beautiful Tonight

So if I’m dreaming
Don’t wake me up I’m so alive
Wish you could see what I see
Through these eyes of mine

Written In The Stars

Cos when I look at my life
How the pieces fall into place
It just wouldn’t rhyme without you
When I see how my path
Seem to end up before your face
The state of my heart
The place where we are
Was written in the stars

Flying Without Wings

Well, for me it’s waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
At any given time or place

It’s little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it’s like flying without wings

BONUS TRACK: Beautiful in White - Shane Filan

So as long as I live I’ll love you
Will have and hold you
You look so beautiful in white
And from now ‘til my very last breath
This day I’ll cherish
You look so beautiful in white
Tonight

linggluu: fav yongyan scenes; hzgg 1.19: i remember watching...

ruanchunxian — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 22:19:00 +0700

linggluu:

fav yongyan scenes; hzgg 1.19: i remember watching this scene years back and all i could think of was “yongqi’s butt, omg, yongqi’s butt”

There’s a lot of not-so-innocent things that could be said about this scene…

The thing is, that’s probably not even him, it’s probably a stunts person.

LET THE YEARS SCULPTURE OUR LOVE – A Yong Qi & Xiao Yan Zi fanmix

ruanchunxian — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 21:18:00 +0700

LET THE YEARS SCULPTURE OUR LOVE – A Yong Qi & Xiao Yan Zi fanmix:

androaiken:

SO AWESOME!!! And it included Clay Aiken’s song! ;)

Okay, I was thinking of you when I added that song :D

IN THE ARMS OF A SISTER - A Xiao Yan Zi & Zi Wei...

ruanchunxian — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 18:59:00 +0700

IN THE ARMS OF A SISTER - A Xiao Yan Zi & Zi Wei fanmix

Download | Listen

(Fanmix tag)

姐妹淘万岁 – Long Live Sisterhood
林心如 – Ruby Lin

姐妹淘们一起闯天下
女生聚在一起就不怕
每天都往心出发
路再远都能到达
姐妹淘们一起闯天下
不管遇到危险有多大
有你同行我的表现佳
梦越拿越多不会缺乏

Sister, we can conquer the whole world, together we aren’t afraid of anything
Each day we set our hearts on a new road, no matter how far, we’ll make it through
Sister, we can conquer the whole world, regardless of the dangers that await
With you as a companion, I can’t help but be stronger
Each day achieving so many dreams

I’ll Be There For You
The Rembrandts

I’ll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I’ll be there for you
Like I’ve been there before
I’ll be there for you
‘Cuz you’re there for me too…

Wind Beneath My Wings
Bette Midler

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you’re my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
‘cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

You’ve Got A Friend
McFly

When you’re down and troubled
And you need some loving care
And nothin’, nothin’ is goin’ right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night

爱 – Love
小虎隊 – Little Tigers

把你的心我的心串一串串一株幸运草串一个同心圆
让所有期待未来的呼唤趁青春做个伴
别让年轻愈长大愈孤单把我的幸运草种在你的梦田
让地球随我们的同心圆永远的不停转

Take your heart and mine, string them together
String them with lucky clover, into a circle of hearts
Let hopes for the future cry out loud, take advantage of being together while we’re young
Don’t let your youth become lonely as you get older
Plant sprigs of lucky clover in a field of your dreams
Let the earth turn according to our circle of hearts
And never stop spinning

Good Friend And A Glass Of Wine
LeAnn Rimes

A good friend and a glass of wine
Someone to say it’s gonna be alright
A good friend and a glass of wine
A little pick me up to get me through the night
We talk trash n’ we laugh and cry
That kind of therapy money can’t buy
Every now and then, every now and then
Every girl needs a good friend and a glass of wine

Count On Me
Bruno Mars

Find out what we’re made of
When we are called to help out friends in need

You can count on me like one, two, three
I’ll be there
And I know when I need it
I can count on you like four, three, two
You’ll be there
Cause that’s what friends are supposed to do

My Same
Adele

I thought I knew myself, somehow you know me more
I’ve never known this, never before
You’re the first to make out whenever we are two
I don’t know who I’d be if I didn’t know you
You’re so provocative, I’m so conservative
You’re so adventurous, I’m so very cautious, combining
You think we would and we do, but we do, but we do, but we do

我和上官燕 – Me and Shang Guan Yan
赵薇 – Vicki Zhao

在同个屋檐
有两个房间
在不久以前
两个女孩子之间
未来来之前
还有多少时间
面对这个世界
是甜美的冒险
总有很多少年
像我和上官燕
仰起头看着天
多少固执的脸
在他乡的房间
执着自己心愿
总会实现

In that house there are two rooms
Not so long before there lived two girls
How much time was passed in this place?
Facing this world is such a sweet thrilling adventure
There are so many youths like me and Shang Guan Yan
Wishing to reach the sky, with so much determination.
These rooms in their hometowns, the place where dreams dwelt
Dreams that came true at last.

“How could you begin to love me? I can comprehend your...

ruanchunxian — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 12:00:00 +0700

“How could you begin to love me? I can comprehend your going on charmingly, when you had once made a beginning; but what could set you off in the first place?”

“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”

― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

[x]

yanshifan: I just realized that deng ni de ji jie (liu shi shi...

ruanchunxian — Sun, 10 Mar 2013 20:40:26 +0700

yanshifan:

I just realized that deng ni de ji jie (liu shi shi for bbjx) is the perfect OTP song for Xia Yu He and Qian Long (Huan Zhu Ge Ge) because it describes a women who’s waiting for her lover to come back to her.

of course Qian Long never goes back for Xia Yu He, but if you pay attention to the lyrics, they fit their relationship perfectly. Like the line “爱一生恋一世” it’s really similar to a line that Xia Yu He says to Zi Wei before she dies.
       等夏天等秋天
　　等下个季节
　　要等到月亮变缺
　　你才会来到我身边
　　要不要再见面
　　没办法还是想念
　　突然想看你的脸
　　熟悉的感觉
　　不 牵手也可以漫步风霜雨雪
　　不 能相见也要朝思暮念
　　只想让你知道
　　我真的很好
　　爱一生 恋一世
　　我也会等你到老
　　只想让你知道
　　放不下也忘不掉

Or vice-versa, you get this:

So I’ve been wanting to do this for a while and just never...

ruanchunxian — Sun, 10 Mar 2013 19:56:00 +0700

So I’ve been wanting to do this for a while and just never really got around to it…

LET THE YEARS SCULPTURE OUR LOVE – A Yong Qi & Xiao Yan Zi fanmix

Download | Listen

SIDE A: Yong Qi

I Knew I Love You – Savage Garden

Maybe it’s intuition
But some things you just don’t question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
and there it goes
I think I’ve found my best friend

As Long As You Love Me – Alex Goot (ft. Landon Austin)

As long as you love me
We could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke
As long as you love me
I’ll be your platinum, I’ll be your silver, I’ll be your gold

She Will Be Loved – Maroon 5

I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Measure of a Man – Clay Aiken

If one day you discover him
Broken down he’s lost everything
No cars, no fancy clothes to make him who he’s not
The woman at his side is all that he has got
Why do you ask him move heaven and earth
To prove his love has worth?

Unforgettable – Nat King Cole

Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that’s how you’ll stay
That’s why, darling, it’s incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too

What Makes A Man – Westlife

What makes her so right?
Is it the sound of her laugh?
That look in her eyes
When do you decide?
She is the dream that you seek
That force in your life

Just The Way You Are – Bruno Mars

I’d never ask you to change
If perfect’s what you’re searching for
Then just stay the same

SIDE B: Xiao Yan Zi

Some Hearts – Carrie Underwood

Now who’d have thought someone like you could love me
You’re the last thing my heart expected
Who’d have thought I’d ever find somebody
Someone who, someone who makes me feel like this

It Is You (I Have Loved) – Dana Glover

But an unexpected way
On this unexpected day
Could it mean this is where I belong
It is you I have loved all along

Glad You Came – Tiffany Alvord

My universe will never be the same
I’m glad you came…

You cast a spell on me, spell on me
You hit me like the sky fell on me, fell on me
And I decided you look well on me, well on me
So let’s go somewhere no-one else can see, you and me

The Scientist – All Angels

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Don’t speak as loud as my heart

Because You Love Me – Celine Dion

For all the love I found in you
I’ll be forever thankful baby
You’re the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You’re the one who saw me through through it all

Can’t Help Falling In Love – Ingrid Michaelson

Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
So take my hand, and take my whole life too
Cause I can’t help falling in love with you

Us Against The World – Christina Milian

If the sun shuts down and decided not to shine no more
I would still have you, baby
If we see the last day and they say we gotta go to war
I’ll be fighting with you, baby
Cause I know if I’m falling (falling), you won’t (you won’t) let me hit the ground
If the boat is sinking (sinking), I know (I know) you won’t let me drown

BONUS TRACK:

Love Sculpture – Zheng Jia Jia

交托时间雕刻爱情

让吵闹的年代为我们静止

你是我的回忆

也是我雕琢的勇气

(In-set photo manipulation credit: lovezijide @ weibo)

(There’s something strange about setting this period couple to modern pop music but I couldn’t resist.)

Is solace anywhere more comforting than that in the arms of a...

ruanchunxian — Sun, 10 Mar 2013 12:00:45 +0700

Is solace anywhere more comforting than that in the arms of a sister.

-Alice Walker

Full size

…let the years sculpture our love and let time for us...

ruanchunxian — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 23:20:00 +0700

…let the years sculpture our love

and let time for us settle down

you are memories in my heart

and the courage that I cherish

(or a very rough translation of Love Sculpture, Bu Bu Jing Xin OST-that-never-actually-appared-in-the-series. it’s more like ‘let time sculpture our love and the years settle down’ but I think it flows better this way? meh, rough translation, stop thinking.)

Full, unresized 1366x768: (1) (2)

I guess sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and start over.

ruanchunxian — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 21:48:45 +0700

I guess sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and start over.

wuxiaedge: Princess Returning Pearl...

ruanchunxian — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 20:33:22 +0700

wuxiaedge:

Princess Returning Pearl cosplay

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDD8E2C272A3CB987

Update

ruanchunxian — Sat, 02 Feb 2013 22:57:29 +0700

Apparently HZGG English-dubbed is legit.

Wow.

I still don’t know why now, of all time, but this is really, really awesome! And it’s another reason for me to rewatch this.

HZGG dubbed into English?

ruanchunxian — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 23:29:00 +0700

HZGG dubbed into English?:

Apparently this might be a thing.

I just spent ten minutes talking to myself about how this could actually be done. I’ve actually never seen a English-dubbed anything before (it’s always been subtitles) that I won’t talk about voices and all that…
also because the post I linked talked about that already.

What I’m actually thinking could be tricky if this is dubbed into English, presumably to be introduced to a wider English-speaking audience, is the insane amount of word play in just HZGGI alone (let’s not even go into HZGGII yet where the amount of word plays doubles.) With subtitles, you get to add little notes explaining things but with dubbing…I have a feeling audience who have absolutely no background in anything Chinese-language related will not get so many of the jokes.

I first watched this series dubbed in Vietnamese, and while Vietnamese does have its roots in Chinese, there are many words that are practically the same (or understandable by Vietnamese in its Han-Viet** form), there are still more Han-Viet that cannot be understood if you don’t actually study the language, and there are of course, still differences in the two languages. And when I watched it dubbed, or honestly even with subtitles if there’s no footnotes, sometimes the homophones that Xiao Yan Zi manages to mix-up goes completely over my head. Like, I would know what she’s saying is supposed to be funny, but I wouldn’t know why, only that she’s mixed up words that sound the same again.

(**Han-Viet is most simply explained as sort of the Vietnamese pronounciation of Han words. For every Han word, there could be an alternative pronounciation (not translation) of it in Vietnamese. like Xiao Yan Zi in Vietnamese is Tiểu Yến Tử (but that would not be our normal word for the noun “little swallow”). You give me a Chinese character I can find out how we would pronounce that character in Han-Viet, though whether I actually understand what that word means depends on the word itself.)

Anyway.

Things like, Xiao Yan Zi misunderstanding expressions like: “turn conflict into harmony” into “turn conflict into glue” would be funny, but with absolutely no knowledge of how the language works, it would make no sense how she could mishear “harmony” into “glue”. And in HZGG, this isn’t just once. It’s practically every single time Xiao Yan Zi opens her mouth.

It’s not just mishearing things. There are chengyu when the meaning is translated into English sounds complete straightforward, and yet Xiao Yan Zi is absolutely clueless about what it all means. I guess, in English there are equivalents, with idioms but still. When dubbing, are they going to translate the meaning of the chengyu or what?

(Possibly unpopular opinion) And I have this “issue” with name. I rarely watch ancient Chinese series dubbed in English because for me, it’s more natural to watch it dubbed in Vietnamese because ancient series has this specific language that there are much closer translations in Vietnamese. But I did glance through BBJX and Zhen Huan subbed on Viki and things that make me cringe are things like “Second Miss” - I know, I know, it’s the correct translation, but honest to god, I find it really jarring to see, because no one..talks like that in English? And then come Zhen Huan (which I admit I have only read the descriptions) where things like “Hua Fei” are (apparently) translated literally into “Princess of Glory” and it really made me cringe. One, Princess? I would have gone with Lady if you have to translate it. Or, as wikipedia does, Consort (and Noble Consort and Imperial Noble Consort…). And I see “hao” part of their titles as a name that should just be left alone and not translated. Yes, it might take a bit from the understanding of the meaning of the title, but it makes for less laughable subtitles. So if HZ is dubbed, I would want to die if they spend the entire 24 episodes calling her Princess Returned Pearl. Because you know Pearl doesn’t just cut it. The point is the “returned - huan” part. I would much rather they explain somewhere that “huan zhu” means returned pearl and move on and call her that. (Can we also not spend all our time calling them Little Swallow and god forbid, Myrtle? Not that I think anyone would translate Zi Wei into that, but you know, there was all that talk about Zi Wei being named for the flower outside the window when she was born in the summer (Xia) and all that.)

(I just watched the Conan clip again. I was too busy laughing the first time to think about it seriously. But apparently they call her Sparrow in the first scene…I get that when she introduces herself, it’s supposed to not sound like a real name but honestly nowadays with names like Apple and Facebook I can imagine crazy parents trying to calling their children worst than Sparrow. But not the point. Also I get that sometimes it is pretty crucial to understand what Xiao Yan Zi literally means, but can’t they slip in some once-off translation? The point is that if they are seriously calling her Sparrow throughout the whole (real) thing then I have a problem.

But Zi Wei will probably be kept though, since they did call them Er Kang, Er Tai and Sai Ya. Can you imagine, Er Kang and Myrtle? Not that Yong Qi and Sparrow is much better. IT MAKES ME THINK OF CAPTAIN JACK OKAY?

I do wonder though how long it would take for mispronounciations of the names to annoy me.)

In other news, I read somewhere the other day that the US has bought Zhen Huan Zhuan, and will release it in America. My first thought was basically along the same line: will the “non-Asian” audience in America really be able to “get” the story? Because while it’s all well and good the spread the culture, dunking them headfirst into things like Zhen Huan (and to a lesser extent Huan Zhu) where there is a lot of implied knowledge about ancient Chinese culture might be dangerous. They have to care enough about the culture to try to understand it, otherwise it would just seem really…melodramatic. We take things like multiple wives and concubines for granted in ancient Chinese series, but expecting American audience to just roll with it is stretching it a bit, IMO. But then again, I don’t really know what their target market is supposed to be in this play of release Zhen Huan in the US…so…

What? Just…what? I can’t even… Honestly,...

ruanchunxian — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 22:02:44 +0700

What? Just…what?

I can’t even…

Honestly, I’m speechless ~~(because I’m too busy laughing)~~

wuxiaedge: Funny Scene: Xiao Yan Zi’s classic HILARIOUS...

ruanchunxian — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 12:00:53 +0700

wuxiaedge:

Funny Scene: Xiao Yan Zi’s classic HILARIOUS poetry.

Believe me, I am exactly like this with poems and Chinese, because writing/reading Chinese is so hard, and coming up with poems is just impossible. Xiao Yan Zi’s poetry is just… I can’t even find the words to describe it. Comedic!

Since you guys asked...

ruanchunxian — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 19:37:00 +0700

Yong Qi’s reaction to Kaleidoscope XXXVII Cold would probably be trying not to gag and laugh at the same time.

No, I really can’t imagine a reaction beyond that. It’s a crack fic, okay?

Happy New Year!

HI there, I was the one who asked about the Qing Dynasty Headdress, i plucked this out from a forum thread, "Different periods in the Qing dynasty, has various styles of headdress in fashion. For example, the large and bulky frames are called "大拉翅" (Da La Chi), were actually invented or became fashionable during the later Qing Dynasty, it is actually historically inaccurate for them to appear in earlier period, as they would not have been invented.' Theres more but word count :/

ruanchunxian — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 18:55:00 +0700

I am sure many essays can be written on the accuracy/inacurracy of costumes in fictional dramas so let’s not get into that :D.

(Personally I like the design in the original HZGG best. The ones in recent dramas like Bu Bu Jing Xin or Zhen Huan are a bit of hit and miss for me.)

Apparently 大拉翅 on Baidu redirects to 旗头 (“flag head” - thanks lingluu :D). Though a Google image search of both names come up with just as many result.

Though if you want an English source:

Elaborate Hairstyles

Manchu women arranged their hair in a rather stately fashion, with a decorated frame attached to the top of the head. Instead of tying their hair up in a bun like the Chinese did, Manchu women wrapped their hair around a wooden, metal, or ivory fillet (called “bian fang”), extending over either side of the head and fastened behind the head.

The coiffure rose dramatically above the head, with decorative flowers attached to the front. Silk tassels hung from the two sides, matching the patterns of the flowered shoes. This was called the banner hair or “liang ba tou (two handfuls of hair)” as the hair was parted in the middle and wrapped to the two sides of the fillet.

During the Qing Dynasty, the coiffure became higher and fan-shaped, sitting on the head like a flat crown. Instead of being wrapped with hair, the frame was covered in silk or velvet, and decorations were also more lavish.

For court women, the coiffure was decorated with flowers made of jade, pearl, coral, and precious stones. Common women preferred inlaid metal and velvet flowers. Choices of flowers included peony, chrysanthemum, and plum blossom.

Hairpins helped finish the last step of the headdress. The coiffure was anchored to the hair in the back. Decorative hairpins were attached to the front of the coiffure, highlighting beauty and wealth. Jade and precious stone hairpins, often elaborately designed, were preferred by the wealthy, while commoners used silver and bone hairpins. Auspicious motifs such as those symbolizing happiness, prosperity, and longevity defined a hairpin’s decorative patterns.

With the last hairpin, the Manchu woman completed her attire: an embroidered long gown, pot-bottom flowered shoes, and a dramatic coif. She stood tall and beautiful, walking with her arms and headdress tassels swaying in the air as the platform shoes sounded rhythmically—a picture of beauty, dignity, and grace. [x]

linggluu: favorite two pictures when i was 10, favorite...

ruanchunxian — Mon, 31 Dec 2012 02:19:45 +0700

linggluu:

favorite two pictures when i was 10, favorite pictures now.

My favourites pics too, back in the days when we only really had access to literally 10 pics of them. Not that there are that much more now. And I used to have these as posters.

I've been looking all over the internet about the headgear Xiao Yanzi and Zi wei wears as princesses, What is it called? You know, that gigantic thing on their head, it was what attracted me as a child to watch the drama xDD I've always thought of it as their version of a tiara xD But what is its official name? THANKSSS

ruanchunxian — Sun, 23 Dec 2012 14:23:38 +0700

I have absolutely no idea. I go out of my way to never really mention it in my fics because I have no idea what to call them.

wuxiaedge: yanshifan: aiya zhang wu ji, how could you not...

ruanchunxian — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 14:14:00 +0700

wuxiaedge:

yanshifan:

aiya zhang wu ji, how could you not tell that zhao min was a female?

LOL, I even made an article on this a while ago about nobody ever can tell when a girl is dressed as a guy:
http://www.ancientchinese.net/blog/when-nobody-knows-shes-a-girl/

Haha I know this feeling. Especially when there is no attempt at trying to bind her chest like with Zhao Min in that picture above. But honestly, I have NEVER seen a girl-dressed-up-as-a-boy who actually looks like a boy in any ancient Chinese series.

Of the top of my head there’s: Dong Jie as Zhu Ying Tai (or any version of Zhu Ying Tai really); Zhao Wei as…Lu Jian Ping, Sun Shang Xiang, Hua Mu Lan; Jang Na Ra as Si Tu Jing…

(Though I guess there’s HZGG, where it’s somewhat subverted since Xiao Yan Zi saw through Zi Wei’s disguise right away and no one ever believes Xiao Yan Zi or Zi Wei when they dress up as guys.)

Even Zhao Wei as Hua Mu Lan, who I would say, arguably is the result of some of the better efforts to make her look less like a girl, and the reason for her to disguise herself is a more serious than in most other movies/dramas, she still is recognisable as a girl.

What usually amuses and bugs me at the same time is that THEIR HANDS. PERFECT MANICURES. GUYS DON’T HAVE SLIM FINGERS WITH BEAUTIFUL NAILS LIKE THAT. And yet…